Tales from the credit card crypt

Written by Geoff Williams
Posted On: October 31, 2012

In honor of Halloween and the season of crypt keepers, skeletons and witches, grab a few marshmallows and (if you don't have a campfire handy) throw them in the microwave, because I'm going to tell you a few horror stories involving your credit card.

"Psycho?"

TMZ is reporting that Bieber has been sued by a man in Michigan who clearly needs some psychiatric help. According to this man's lawsuit -- TMZ doesn't name the man -- Justin Bieber stole this man's American Express credit card and with it, bought himself an operation to enlarge his, well, you know.

But could it be true? Well, the man claims to be actress Selena Gomez's father, and he believes the singer, Usher, um, sodomized him. I know it's not really politically correct to call someone a loon, but in this case, if the straitjacket fits…

"Attack of the Killer Germs"

This is a creepy story that I wish wasn't true, but the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine and Queen Mary, University of London did a study (funded by a brand of hand wash called Radox) that found -- no surprise -- bacteria flourishes on our plastic credit cards. Researchers found that of the samples of 816 credit cards that they had, 8 percent of the credit cards were contaminated as badly as a dirty toilet would be. The researchers actually found bacteria from fecal matter on the credit cards. Why? Apparently not every credit card cardholder washes his or her hands after going to the bathroom. The researchers recommend wiping down your credit cards with sanitizer.

Yeah. Pretty gross. And for those of you who worry about germs, well, I've given you one more thing to keep you up at night.

"What Lurks Below"

Imagine sitting in a darkened movie theater. You reach into your tub of buttered popcorn and as you shove the handful into your mouth, a few pieces drop to the floor. You happen to look down as the pieces fall and notice a hand reaching up from under the seat! According to the Hartford Courant's recent article, the man attached to that hand was recently convicted for allegedly stealing credit cards from people at movie theaters. He would sneak underneath the seats and reach for purses and pull out the credit card.

According to the Hartford Courant, this guy, Anthony Johnson, has been doing this for years, with the help of accomplices sitting in the theater who would let him know where purses were. Johnson apparently, during a good weekend, could make $50,000 to $70,000 doing this. Johnson and his crew would use the stolen credit cards to take in thousands of dollars in cash advances from gambling casinos.

But even scarier, how would you like to have been the one crawling around on a movie theater floor? Among the gum, spilled pop and pieces of popcorn and pizza crust. Talk about scary.

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